If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
