I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
