i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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