she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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