your room smells of hookers.
And success
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
