Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I need to stop coming to work sober
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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