A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
