Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
