my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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