You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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