Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Damn victory sex feels great
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
