I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
