My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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