We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
