Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
