I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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