She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
