He is an equal opportunity slut.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
