i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
