Just cropdusted the office
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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