You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
