Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
