I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize