You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
