Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
