oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
