It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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