he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
