is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
