I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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