she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You are the jesus of drinking
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
