we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
