...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
