he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
