at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
