I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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