She's JV to your varsity
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
