he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
this hospital has no fireball
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
