I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
