sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
