I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
