Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
