why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
