That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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