I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
