I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
