Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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