He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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