They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
