He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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