Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sorry about my life...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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