Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
