I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
