So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
