This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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