so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
