I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
