if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
