you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
