I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
