when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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