Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
