so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
