Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
