How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
