On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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