Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize