I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
