The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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