My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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