It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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