the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Houston, we have a blender
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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