My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
