i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The air taste purple.
Randomize
