Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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