girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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