Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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