You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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