I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
NoShamevember. You game?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
