Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
