I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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