The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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