Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
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