Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
