I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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