Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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