My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
