stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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