Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
