Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
