rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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