The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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