so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
