I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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