hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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