around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't put those talents on a resume
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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