She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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