Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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