Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
