DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
