Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
