Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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