if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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