There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
