I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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