dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
